The Secret
How was your Thanksgiving? Did you eat too much this weekend? Did you gather and gorge? And did you go around the table, asking everyone to share one thing they are grateful for? Me neither!
I don’t know if you had a great Thanksgiving weekend, a mediocre Thanksgiving, or even a regrettable Thanksgiving holiday, but I’m wondering if you missed the secret to Thanksgiving.
Did you miss the secret to gratitude? I suspect you missed it, because I missed it for most of my life.
When I was growing up I would open presents on my birthday or Christmas, and then head outside to play with whatever toy or sporting equipment I had received. As I was playing, my mom would inevitably rush outside and demand that I write a thank you note to my grandparents before continuing. I’d say, “Ah Mom, it’ll be dark soon, no more Daylight Savings Time…” But Mom tended to freak out about thank you notes, because her mom was a stickler for thank you notes.
By the way, my grandparents were all poor. My Dad’s folks always gave us the same gift for Christmas—a dollar. And back in the day the dollar was worth, well, not that much. My Mom’s parents’ gifts were, let me just say, I would have preferred the dollar.
My grandparents all died so I was off the hook, but then I got married. We were opening our wedding gifts when Lori announced, “We are writing thank you notes today!” “But it’s our honeymoon!” “You do whatever you want, but I’m writing thank you notes.”
When we had kids, Lori became more passionate about thank you notes for the grandparents. “No playing, no eating, NO OXYGEN until the thank you notes are written!” Okay, I might be exaggerating.
But I wondered, what’s the deal with old people? Why are they so obsessed with thank you notes? Are their lives so empty that they don’t have anything better to do than to fret over a thank you card from one of their seventeen grandchildren?
So, I pronounced an edict that is still in effect today: I don’t want any thank you notes from any of my grandkids!
I didn’t get it. I missed the secret to gratitude.
But I have since discovered it, and I want to reveal that secret to you. It is found, among other places, in the Apostle Paul’s epistle to the Thessalonians:
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV)
Paul tells us what to be thankful for: everything.
And Paul tells us when to be thankful: all the time.
Now some of you who are smart about prepositions have noticed that the Apostle Paul doesn’t actually tell us to be grateful “for” all circumstances. He tells us to be grateful “in” all circumstances.
He was writing to the Thessalonians. It is clear from chapter four that they had recently experienced a lot of tragedy and death. He doesn’t say be thankful for these terrible circumstances - he says be thankful in them.
Paul tells us that it is actually God’s will for us to be grateful.
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV)
You and I can be grateful no matter what!
And that leads us to the secret to Thanksgiving, the secret to gratitude:
Gratitude is a choice. Thanksgiving is a choice.
Seventy-one times in the New Testament God tell us to be thankful, and that is in addition to the 102 times in the New Testament. 173 times in the Bible gratitude is encouraged.
Why?
Gratitude is not an emotion. Gratitude is a choice. It is actually a healthy choice.
Emotions can come and go in rapid sequence. Happiness, sadness, frustration, and excitement can all be experienced in the fourth quarter of your team’s football game.
Gratitude is a choice. A decision. It's not dependent upon momentary emotions or fleeting external circumstances. Regardless of what's going on inside or around you...you can choose gratitude. It's not easy, but it is powerful.
Gratitude is a discipline. That is why our parents and grandparents instruct their children in the art of “please and thank you” and writing thank you notes! They want us to get into the practice of gratitude so one day it will become second nature.
How did I miss this? It is so obvious - especially around this holiday. The first Thanksgiving took place after nearly half the pilgrims died from a rough winter… and year. It became a national holiday in 1863 in the middle of the Civil War, and was moved to its current date in the 1930s in the middle of The Great Depression - we will be thankful on the fourth Thursday of November, because thanksgiving is a choice!
We can be grateful in all things because gratefulness is a choice.
Have you made the choice?
We can grumble, gripe, and grunt our way through the day, or we can be grateful.
“Gratitude as a discipline involves a conscious choice. I can choose to be grateful even when my emotions and feelings are still steeped in hurt and resentment. It is amazing how many occasions present themselves in which I can choose gratitude instead of a complaint. I can choose to grateful when I am criticized, even when my heart still responds in bitterness. I can choose to speak about goodness and beauty, even when my inner eye still looks for someone to accuse or something to call ugly.”
Henri Nouwen