The Best Kind of Mother-In-Law
My Mother-in-law, Patricia Burns Wan, passed away yesterday—March 4, 2021.
At one point, back in the nineties, Mom Wan spent a couple of years serving in China with the English Language Institute of China. During that stint, Mom Wan mentioned to me that she was the best kind of mother-in-law. “How’s that?” I asked. She replied, “One that is out of the country!”
This passage hit me as I reminisce about Lori’s Mom:
“Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.
“Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me…”
Matthew 7:20-23 (NLT)
Before you get too confused about why this passage would remind me of my mother-in-law, let me tell you three quick stories about Mom Wan.
Story 1: Mom Wan struggled with increasing Dementia and Alzheimer’s disease for close to the last decade of her life. She handled it with grace, with a pleasant attitude, and with at least one strategic trick to help her cope. When someone walked into the room, Mom Wan would often say, “Hey, I know you!” It was a disarming greeting, especially when it was pretty clear that she didn’t. “Hey, I know you,” was her preferred greeting.
Story 2: A couple of years ago we moved Mom Wan from her care facility in Ventura County to a small care home near ours here in Elk Grove, California.
Lori and I flew down to Burbank, rented a car and headed to Mom’s place to get her packed up. We loaded up the vehicle and headed back to the Burbank airport. On the way, it suddenly struck me—I asked Lori, “Does your Mom have any identification?” We checked. She did not have any ID on her.
When we pulled into the airport drop-off spot, we took out seven various and sundry suitcases, boxes and bags and frantically looked for any documents that identified Mom Wan. We found nothing.
So, we then headed to the Southwest Airlines check-in counter. They said they were satisfied, but we would somehow need to get past the security screening.
How do you smuggle an eighty-three-year-old woman with Dementia and Alzheimer’s through the numerous security measures at the airport? It turns out that a confused Mom Wan was still smarter than the TSA agents! Lori and I felt like seasoned spies as we ushered Mom around the onlookers and onto the airplane.
Story 3: I actually asked Mom Wan for her blessing as I prepared to propose to Lori. I had asked Dad Wan the previous day. I will only say it did not go great with my future father-in-law. But Mom Wan was incredibly gracious. I sensed she was surprised and startled that I would even ask, but she simply said, “Welcome to the family.” Her blessing meant more to me than she ever knew.
Back to the passage from Matthew.
As I was processing Mom’s passing, it occurred to me that when Mom Wan got to the gates of heaven, Jesus would be waiting. And I suspect his greeting would be, “Hey, I know you!” She would not need any identification or even a ticket, she wouldn’t be stopped by security because Jesus took care of that for her. I can hear Jesus saying, “Hey, I know you! Welcome!”
Jesus said we could identify people by their actions. It is not so much what we say, it’s what we do. Mom Wan demonstrated her faith in Jesus by her graciousness, her love and her care. Mom Wan would “March 4th” right into Paradise. How about us?