Wounded
Several months ago, I was in San Diego for some meetings. I had time before my flight home to take my son, Jake and his family out to dinner. They picked one of their favorite restaurants, we met there, were seated outside and anticipated a great meal. Our server seemed quite distracted, though. It took him a while to come to our table, and my daughter-in-law was hoping we could get some food for the two granddaughters immediately because it was past their dinner time. The server was not attentive to this at all, he kept talking to his coworkers, and he consistently forgot to bring what the girls requested. And the medium-rare $20 burger I ordered came to the table medium-cremated.
I consider myself an above-average tipper, but this service was less than mediocre, so I figured I considered leaving a smallish amount. The little girls were getting antsy while the waiter took his sweet time bringing the bill.
Finally he came to our table with one of those machines where you put in the tip and finish paying at your seat. He handed it to me and hovered. The tip amount started at 22%, so I swept right, 20%, 18%, 18%, 18% it wouldn’t go any further.
“Do you need some help?” he asked in a belittling manner. “I am looking for a tip amount less than 18%,” I said. “Was there a problem?” he snapped.
I tried to stay calm, “Among other things my medium rare burger came out very well done…”
Then this incredibly defensive server shouted something stunning: “Well that’s not my fault!”
I was astonished. My son who always knows the right thing to say was dumbfounded. My daughter-in-law’s jaw dropped. The two girls stopped fidgeting and just stared.
Awkward! I gave him the 18% just to get him to leave. He stormed off. We quietly exited like the losing team after a game-winning touchdown. I don’t think we even said a word when we got in our cars.
Bad service can ruin the entire experience, can’t it? That server did not fathom that he represented the entire restaurant, and his sour attitude left an even more sour taste in our mouths.
What is true in the restaurant business is also true in other relationships, even our relationship with God. Bad service can ruin the entire experience.
We may be the only Jesus representative that the people in the front rows of our lives see. Is our shoddy service leaving them soured on the gospel?
How can we become even more effective at serving? How can I improve my serve? There is a passage in the book of Acts that gives us some insight.
Theophilus, I first wrote to you about all that Jesus did and taught from the very first until he was taken up to heaven. But before he was taken up, he gave orders to the apostles he had chosen with the help of the Holy Spirit. For 40 days after Jesus had suffered and died, he proved in many ways that he had been raised from death. He appeared to his apostles and spoke to them about God's kingdom. While he was still with them, he said: “Don't leave Jerusalem yet. Wait here for the Father to give you the Holy Spirit, just as I told you he has promised to do.”
Acts 1:1-4 (CEV)
In chapter two the Holy Spirit descends upon these folks and three thousand people come to Jesus that day. Acts 17 says they turned the world upside down. By the end of the book they have taken the good news about Jesus all the way to Rome, the center of their modern world.
Starting from chapter two, these folks were amazing servants. They had an incredible impact and influence.
But before they are let loose, here in verse 4 of the first chapter, Jesus tells them to wait. Before they went out and did too much serving, Jesus said, “Wait.” For what? For the Holy Spirit.
Okay, but what is the hold up with the Holy Spirit? Was he busy? Was he dealing with another universe? Watching the game? Did he lose track of time? Jesus said, “Wait.”
After Jesus had said this and while they were watching, he was taken up into a cloud. They could not see him, but as he went up, they kept looking up into the sky. Suddenly two men dressed in white clothes were standing there beside them. They said, “Why are you men from Galilee standing here and looking up into the sky?
Acts 1:9-11 (CEV)
Jesus told them to wait, but two angels suggest there is work to be done while they wait.
So what did the disciples do before they stepped out serving?
After the apostles returned to the city, they went upstairs to the room where they had been staying… One day there were about 120 of the Lord's followers meeting together, and Peter stood up to speak to them. He said: “My friends, long ago by the power of the Holy Spirit, David said something about Judas…”
Acts 1:13-14, 16 (NIV)
What did the disciples do to become more effective servants? What did they do before they threw themselves into major service?
They talked about Judas.
My friends, long ago by the power of the Holy Spirit, David said something about Judas, and what he said has now happened. Judas was one of us and had worked with us, but he brought the mob to arrest Jesus. Then Judas bought some land with the money he was given for doing that evil thing. He fell headfirst into the field. His body burst open, and all his insides came out. When the people of Jerusalem found out about this, they called the place Akeldama, which in the local language means “Field of Blood.”
In the book of Psalms it says, ‘Leave his house empty, and don't let anyone live there.’
It also says, ‘Let someone else have his job.’
So we need someone else to help us tell others that Jesus has been raised from death. He must also be one of the men who was with us from the very beginning. He must have been with us from the time the Lord Jesus was baptized by John until the day he was taken to heaven.
Two men were suggested: One of them was Joseph Barsabbas, known as Justus, and the other was Matthias. Then they all prayed, ‘Lord, you know what everyone is like! Show us the one you have chosen to be an apostle and to serve in place of Judas, who got what he deserved.’ They drew names, and Matthias was chosen to join the group of the eleven apostles.
Acts 1:16-26 (CEV)
Why were the disciples such amazing servants?
They dealt with their Judas-wound!
They worked through the incredible wound caused by their companion Judas.
What is your Judas-wound?
Have you had some sort of Judas in your life…yet? We all suffer wounds. What is yours?
Do you have a father-wound? A mother-wound? I went through a self-awareness cohort with a group of leaders and I was surprised by how many of us carried a coach-wound around with us—some coach from our past benched us, cut us or belittled us. Do you have a racial wound you are nursing? Or a political wound? When you hear that politician’s name, do you get triggered?
Have you been betrayed? By a co-worker? An associate? A partner? Or worse, a close friend? Even worse still, a spouse?
Jesus did not want his representatives to be carrying the heavy baggage of their Judas-wound into their service and sharing of the gospel. And he doesn’t want you and me to carry a load either.
Here’s the good news.
Your wound probably isn’t a whole lot worse than the apostle’s Judas-wound. I’m not trying to diminish your pain, and your cuts may be deep, but probably not terribly deeper than the betrayal these men felt.
We often talk about how Judas betrayed Jesus. He did, he handed the savior over to be killed. Yet sometimes we miss the anguish of the disciples.
Judas was one of them. He lived with them, he traveled with them, he paid the bills for them. He was there when Jesus fed the thousands and raised Lazarus from the dead. He was there for the miracles and for the mobs. He was in a very real way their brother.
When Judas sold Jesus, Judas sold out his friends too. Their hopes, dreams, future and three years of their lives were nailed on a cross so Judas could make a few bucks. Judas’ betrayal led to Peter’s denial. Judas forced them all to flee and abandon Jesus. Judas destroyed everything and left devastation in his wake. He got their savior crucified.
Yes, Jesus rose from the dead. Yes, their hopes and dreams and plans had been resurrected. But they hadn’t dealt with their Judas-wound.
Have you dealt with your Judas-wound? I have had to continue to work through being semi-disowned by my parents, betrayal from friends, an unjust lawsuit and loss from the bank of evil.
If we don’t deal with them, we carry the wounds with us. We may not recognize it, but those we serve sure see our bitterness, our issues, our compensations.
We’ve got to deal with out Judas-wounds. And the good news is we can.
But how?
Look at what the disciples did?
1. The disciples didn’t try to do it alone.
The apostles often met together…
Acts 1:14 (CEV)
Get around other people. Get a coach. Get a counselor.
Once, I was betrayed by a friend. My wife suggested I see a counselor, and she went with me. I told my story. The counselor said, “What he did to you was wrong and hurtful.”
That’s all I needed. I just wanted someone to acknowledge the wound. I was on the way to health.
2. The disciples prayed.
The apostles often met together and prayed…
Acts 1:14 (CEV)
God revealed the issue. Just about every day, I sit with God. I thank him for ten things, I confess my sins, ask for forgiveness, and then go over who I need to forgive.
3. The disciples read the Bible.
David said something about Judas…
Acts 1:16 CEV)
At least two things happen when we read the Bible:
A. We realize we’re not the only one who has been wounded.
Abel was killed by his brother Cain.
Joseph was sold into slaver by his brothers, then falsely accused by Potiphar’s wife.
David was hunted by Saul.
Uriah was set up to be killed by David.
Betrayal is part our fallen condition. You are not crazy, you’re just human.
B. We realize God is in control
God wasn’t shocked by Judas’ behavior, and he is not surprised by what you have gone through.
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33 (NIV)
God has a plan and a purpose in and for your wounds.
4. The disciples moved on
They drew names, and Matthias was chosen to join the group of the eleven apostles.
Acts 1:26 (CEV)
How do you know if you’ve dealt with your Judas wound? You have found another friend, partner, or colleague.
The apostles easily could have said, “We are not trusting anyone again! We will stick with our core eleven and protect ourselves from future wounds.” They didn’t. They got back in the game.
If you swear you will never get burned again, you still have some wounds to mend.
One more thing the disciples did:
5. The disciples acted promptly
Don't leave Jerusalem yet. Wait here for the Father to give you the Holy Spirit, just as I told you he has promised to do. John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.
Acts 1:4-5 (CEV)
The apostles dealt with their Judas wound urgently. They dealt with it in a few days.
We don’t have to nurse our wounds for decades, years or even months.
It does not take long to forgive. It takes just a few seconds to say, “God, I forgive them. What they did was not right. The betrayal was not cool. But I let it go right now.”
It takes a bit longer to forget. But you will forget if you stop picking up what you let go and then ruminating on it over and over. Let it go. Drop the baggage. Trust God will use it somehow in your life. And as you serve, he will use your former pain to help others.
Here is the challenge:
Deal with your Judas wound. Identify it, pray about it, give it to God, and let it go.
My prayer for you and for me is simple: an empty baggage carousel. Let’s release our luggage to God and let him handle it.
For two primary reasons:
First, for peace. Let it go, and receive God’s peace—the peace that surpasses all understanding. You don’t have to live with all of that drama.
And second, for impact. When we drop our own baggage, our hands are free to help others.
One last question: Were the disciples waiting for the Holy Spirit or was the Holy Spirit waiting for them? Perhaps God is waiting for you and me to drop the grudges, mend the wounds, get healthy, live free and serve. Perhaps then, through the power of the Holy Spirit, God will us us for maximum impact.