Give & take

Adam Grant wrote a book called “Give and Take” where he proposes that people have three different approaches to giving.  Givers want to give more than they get.  These rare people want to add more value to others.  Takers want to get more than they give.  They are competitive folks who look out for themselves.  Matchers want everything to be even.  They are the Even Stevens of the world. 

Grant then did an expansive study to see which of these categories were the least successful, 

those who do worst in succeeding across a wide range of occupations are the givers.

“Research demonstrates that givers sink to the bottom of the success ladder.”--Adam Grant, “Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success”

Here is the surprising message of the book:

“So, if givers are most likely to land at the bottom of the success ladder, who’s at the top—takers or matchers? Neither.

“When I took another look at the data, I discovered a surprising pattern: It’s the givers again.”

“The worst performers and the best performers are givers.”

How can this be?  In discussing how givers can end up as low performers or top performers, Grant discovered that there are two types of givers.  Wise givers and not-so-wise givers.  Wise Givers are the most successful.  They are other-centered, but not to the point of hurting themselves.  They have a sense of balance. 

The least successful are unwise or foolish givers.  Grant says these folks can be called doormats or bleeding hearts.  Their helping can actually hurt others, and it even hurts them.

Foolish givers, takers and matchers typically end up in the same place—a bit isolated, not too happy, burned, suspicious and unhappy.

Wise givers have more and better relationships; are more magnetic; have more willpower; they get more job opportunities; have more energy; have more influence; and they end up with more money than the others.

My parents were not necessarily wise givers.  Mom gave and gave, even if it wasn’t really hers to give.  Mom wore herself out and died fairly young.  Dad was just not very intentional with money.  My grandparents landed on the taking side.  It made sense, the Great Depression dominated their lives.  They hoarded.  When my dad’s folks died, the relatives who cleaned out their house spoke of the useless stuff they kept and the secret stashes of cash they hid, even from each other.  My Mom’s mom literally died clutching her checkbook.

I want a different relationship with money.  I’m all for the wise giver category, but how can I get there?  How can we become successful givers.

There is a passage in the Bible that gives us some hints:

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.  And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.  As it is written:

“They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.”

Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. –2 Corinthians 9:6-11 (NIV)

How Can We Become Wise Givers?

Paul starts out this passage with the answer:

Remember

When it comes to money and possessions, we know pretty much all we need to know.  But we tend to forget.

That shiny new car in the showroom causes us to forget about the ridiculous monthly payment.  We know if our outgo exceeds our income the upshot is our downfall.

Any fifth-grader can do the math.  We know basic economics and we know we do want to be generous.

But life happens and we forget.

I will never forget ole What’s-her-name…

My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday.

Not sure how I did that...

I didn't even know it was her birthday!

Not to brag, but I just went into another room and actually remembered why I went in there... It was the bathroom, but still.

Paul reminds us in this passage five principles, strategies, tactics, mindsets, words we need to remember:

1. Decision

Your giving is your decision.

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. —2 Corinthians 9:6-7 (NIV)

Your finances are your decision.  You get to decide.  Its up to you.

Some people complain, “All the church wants in my money!”  Who cares, giving is YOUR decision!

Paul encourages us to not give reluctantly—don’t be a taker.  Don’t give into pressure—don’t be an unwise giver.  And give cheerfully—bot counting every penny to make sure its all even.

Psychologists Netta Weinstein and Richard Ryan have demonstrated that giving has an energizing effect only if it’s an enjoyable, meaningful choice rather than undertaken out of duty and obligation.

Its no one’s business but yours.  You get to decide.

But you have to decide.  To not decide is actually to decide.  If you don’t decide, you’re actually deciding to go with the prevailing culture of selfishness, getting by on the least, slipping into a sense of entitlement, and seeing other people as a threat.

So, decide.

2. Abundance

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. –2 Corinthians 9:8 (NIV)

We get a choice on how to live.  We can adopt an abundance mentality, or we can settle into a scarcity mentality.

The scarcity mentality is a way of thinking that focuses on the lack of resources, like money or time, leading to feelings of anxiety and competition. This mindset can hinder decision-making and overall happiness, as it emphasizes limitations rather than opportunities.”

Scarcity sees life as a zero-sum game.  If you win, I lose.  There’s only so many pieces of the pie, I need to grab mine.

Abundance knows we can go over to Safeway and get all the pie we want,--fresh, frozen and pizza pie.  An abundance mentality is the belief that there are enough resources and opportunities for everyone, promoting a positive outlook and generosity rather than competition and scarcity. This mindset encourages individuals to focus on possibilities and growth, fostering creativity and collaboration.

When you plant an apple seed, you see an apple tree emerge.  But not just a tree.  That tree produces apples for apple pie.  The typical apple tree produces three hundred apples per growing season.  And each apple is a container of five to ten apple seeds for more trees.  That is not a zero-sum endeavor.   

10 Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. 11 You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. –2 Corinthians 9:10-11 (NIV)

Paul uses three words to foster abundance:  Increase, Enlarge, and Enrich.

Giving causes our harvest to be increased, enlarged and enriched.

Paranoia is a mental condition characterized by intense feelings of distrust and suspicion towards others, often believing that they intend to cause harm.

Pronoia is the belief that God is conspiring to do you good, serving as the positive counterpart to paranoia.  Let’s be pronoia people.

3. Provision

And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others…For God is the one who provides seed for the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will provide and increase your resources and then produce a great harvest of generosity in you. –2 Corinthians 9:8 & 10 (NLT)

The IRS agent looked at the taxpayer and advise, “Try not to think of it as your money.”  I’d like to tell congress, “Try not to think of it as your money.”

Instead of getting wrapped up in, “Where did all my money go?”  A better question might be, “Where did all my money come from?”

It came from God!

“But I worked hard!”  Yes, but where did your strength come from?  Where did that incredible brain of yours, the one that brings lots of money to your family, where did that come from?

God is our provider.  And God provides us with many blessings just because he loves us.  But did you know that God also provides us with many blessings to give to others just because he loves us, and them?

A man reported, I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” So, he went out and bought a present for my mother.

God wants to provide so much to us, but maybe we can’t receive much because our hands are too closed.

4. Influence

As it is written: “They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.”   You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. –2 Corinthians 9:9 &11 (NIV)

Paul quotes Psalm 112.  Let me show you the entire chapter to you.  It is actually an acrostic with each line beginning with a successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet:

Praise the Lord!

How joyful are those who fear the Lord

    and delight in obeying his commands.

2 Their children will be successful everywhere;

    an entire generation of godly people will be blessed.

3 They themselves will be wealthy,

    and their good deeds will last forever.

4 Light shines in the darkness for the godly.

    They are generous, compassionate, and righteous.

5 Good comes to those who lend money generously

    and conduct their business fairly.

6 Such people will not be overcome by evil.

    Those who are righteous will be long remembered.

7 They do not fear bad news;

    they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.

8 They are confident and fearless

    and can face their foes triumphantly.

9 They share freely and give generously to those in need.

    Their good deeds will be remembered forever.

    They will have influence and honor.

10 The wicked will see this and be infuriated.

    They will grind their teeth in anger;

    they will slink away, their hopes thwarted.

What kind of impact do you want to make?

“It turns out that giving can be contagious. In one study, contagion experts James Fowler and Nicholas Christakis found that giving spreads rapidly and widely across social networks. When one person made the choice to contribute to a group at a personal cost over a series of rounds, other group members were more likely to contribute in future rounds, even when interacting with people who weren’t present for the original act. “This influence persists for multiple periods and spreads up to three degrees of separation (from person to person to person to person)” - Adam M.. Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success

Let\s move to the generous, wise giver section of life.

So, I will ask.

We a wise giver by giving.  The application is simple—give.  When we give, we win—and we become better givers, with less of an edge toward taking or matching.

“Influence is far more powerful in the opposite direction: change people’s behaviors first, and their attitudes often follow. To turn takers into givers, it’s often necessary to convince them to start giving. Over time, if the conditions are right, they’ll come to see themselves as givers.” - Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success

• If you have not been giving, give something.

• If you gave given something, become a consistent giver.

• If you’re consistent, consider moving to tithing.

• If you are giving and tithing, take that next step toward wise and outrageous generosity.