Celebrating 100

I recently returned from a weekend in Coeur d Alene, Idaho.  Our family held a one-hundredth-birthday celebration for my mom.  She died over twenty-six years ago, but a good contingent of relatives attended a dinner for her on Friday night at a local restaurant (she was raised nearby) and a special birthday lunch at the Coeur d Alene Resort--which is a fantastic venue.

It was an amazing event, but the question is why did we do it?  Why did I invite all my siblings, cousins, and relatives to a party for someone who has been gone for decades?  We held similar festivities for my dad three years ago, when he would have hit one hundred. But this was more than, “We did it for Dad, we’ve got to do it for Mom…|” There is a bigger “why?”

A verse that is found several times in the Bible has been messing with me for years.  You know it.  It is one of the Ten Commandments.

“Honor your father and your mother…” –Exodus 20:12 (NIV)

The book of Deuteronomy expands on this:

“Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” –Deuteronomy 5:16 (NIV)

And the Apostle Paul adds:

“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise…” –Ephesians 6:2 (NIV)

All of God’s commands come with an implied promise—God knows better than us, so follow his ways.  But this command is more specific.

If we honor our parents, life will be better.  Our relationship with Dad and Mom is the first relationship we have.  If we can get that one clear, the others have a better chance of thriving.

I’m not sure that God is guaranteeing long life for those who honor their parents as much as a more peace.  Life is simply better if we are not burdened by hauling around a significant father-wound or mother-wound.

One part of that directive that has bothered me is it doesn’t say or even imply that we are off the hook once our parents pass.  The Bible does not read, “Honor you parents until they die, then write a tell-all book about how they fouled up your life.”

We can continue to honor our parents even after they have died.

So, let me do that.  Here are three characteristics of my mom that I am honored to honor:

First, Mom was a person who honored others. 

She respected other people; she treated folks with reverence and taught us kids to do likewise.

Later in life Mom hired a housekeeper named Grace.  I was not living at home at the time, but I went over enough to observe their dynamic.  I never saw Grace do an ounce of work.  Evidently Mom always cleaned up before Grace arrived.  I’d walk in only to see Mom and Grace sitting at the kitchen table having a drink and a smoke.

Once Mom made the offer for Grace’s husband, Alfred, to pick a few peaches and plums off the fruit trees in our backyard.  I arrived to discover Alfred had picked single hint of fruit off of every single fruit tree we had.  I was surprised he didn’t take all the leaves!

When I protested to Mom, she simply said, “They need it more than us.” 

Second, Mom was a person of positivity. 

I never heard my mom say anything negative about any of her children.  I never heard Mom say anything negative about any of her children’s spouses.  I think she wanted to.  Occasionally, she would squeak out some unintelligible sound, holding back a comment.  Yet she worked to always stay positive.

Her encouraging attitude stood in sharp contrast to that of her own parents.  I tended to avoid my grandparents as they had no filter and were not safe.  In their defense, their lives were extremely difficult.  They lost their only son, my mom’s only sibling, in Normandie, France to a sniper during World War II.  That pain never left them. 

But Mom ended any generational negativity, sin or curse with her positivity.  Our generation is incredibly grateful for her remarkable mindset.

Third, Mom was a person of high standards.

Mom never called me out.  But she did call me up.  She had a high bar for how I was supposed to act.  Between Mom and the Nuns at school God-forbid if I didn’t utilize proper grammar!

Mom didn’t get mad; she didn’t claim disappointment.  She simply made it clear that we were to act in a certain, honorable, godly and respectful way in our family.

The Bible commands us to honor our father and mother.  And the writers infer that it is never too late to do so.  Ou parents are not or were not perfect, but our heavenly Father gave them to us.   He knows what He is doing.  So, it is our duty, responsibility and privilege to honor them.

Honoring our parents leads to honoring others.  One of our aspirational values in the Excel Leadership Network is found in that word, honor.  We want to respect, value and treat others with integrity and decency.  We want to exhibit humility and even reverence toward those we serve with, lead, and to whom we are accountable.

 Honoring our parents sets a solid foundation.